My previous feature Five H!P-licensed Videogames I’d Like to See has hopefully gave you some inspiring and delightful ideas on how awesome Hello!Project video games can be. All those wonderful games that will never exist anywhere besides in our dreams. However, just like in reality, there are usually more bad games than good. Let us explore into the opposite end of the spectrum and look at some games that should never incorporate the Hello!Project license. While some of the games are straight-up obvious in why they would be bad, you may find others on the list that you initially imagine to be fun but would actually turn out as complete disasters.

Notice to UFA: Although these games probably won’t sell, I am still expecting a 10% profit kick-back on any of these ideas.

 

Berryzfield 3

From my previous feature, I am really glad that no one suggested any First Person Shooting games. Unlike some other agencies, Hello!Project girls are not internally at war as if they are on a Battlefield. None of them would be shooting their guns at each other and either would the players, because if you are reading this site, I would expect that unloading clips of bullets into cute Japanese idols is the last thing you would want to do. Don’t knife Reina; don’t “boom-head-shot” Risako; don’t call in air-strike on Maimai; don’t tea-bag Ayacho; just don’t. Overall, there is no point for such a displaced game to exist, so just don’t make it.


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Pulling the trigger will automatically result in permanent ban.

 

 

Morning Kombat

What makes Mortal Kombat stands out as a fighting title is its extreme gore and violence. Some people find thrills from the game’s sequences of burning skins off or sawing bodies in-half. But obviously, that is completely reversed of the entertainment we seek from following idols. Even if it is towards your least favourite idol, pulling limbs off then kicking the torso to the wall is still excessively terrible. So if you think this game design would blend well with the H!P girls as the fighters, then you should see psychotherapist as soon as you can.


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If you were expecting for a bloody screenshot, you really need psychotherapy.

 

 

Takahashi Ai: My Engrish Coach

Don’t get this game mixed up with the popular Language Coach series for NDS, because this game would worsen your language skills instead of improving it. Ai-chan loves English, but by no means is she or any other girls in the agency good at it. If you think “I should master this game so I can communicate with Ai-chan”, I’ll recommend learning Japanese instead. Learning her way would only end up hindering you from proper real-life interactions, so calling this an educational game would be a huge contradiction.

P.S. The Korean version of this game would probably be just as bad.


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…………………………………..Pardon me?

 

 

Cooking Momo

Making omelette-rice alongside your favourite idol, what can possibly go wrong? While I would happily enjoy dishes prepared by certain girls such as Airi and Aika, many others, most notably Momo and Sayu, would leave you ordering delivery unless you enjoy food-poisoning. So having a game similar to Cooking Mama where the girls teaches you step by step on how to cook, victory is straight-up unachievable. If your creation is tasty, then you lose for not following instructions; but if you cooked according to instructions, then you fail for creating piles of crap (or having the kitchen burnt down). Either way, you can’t win this game.

“Still better than Momo!”

 

 

Pocket Morning (Aka. Pokemorn)

As much as you will want to love this game, you won’t. Let’s face it; a Pokemon-style game would be an incredibly repetitive (and not so much repetitively incredible) experience. With only so many girls, we’ll see a majority of trainers using teams of the same several girls while unpopular ones will be ignored. Everyone may love taming a Pikachayu, but hardly anyone would be levelling up a Maimaichop. If you are a Mano Erina fan, no doubt your team will be Charmanoderina x6. If that has not bored you enough yet, then wait until you encounter endless Zukkibats in every cave and infinite Mogikarp every time you are surfing or fishing.  Before all that though, this exact concept of capture teams of girls and training them for battles would seem too alike to gladiator-style slavery to have the game ever be made.


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“……It’s not very effective.”

 

 

What other videogames do you think should never involve the Hello!Project license? Leave your ideas and Pokemorn photo-shops at the comment section below.

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